Ma vie, mes amours, mon histoire.
Wednesday, March 31, 2004
alone
i cannot be alone
i cannot walk alone
i can not hold myself
but ive loved
ive loved you so very hard
ive loved you so very deep
but just not enough
i know you tried
to give what you could
but its not enough, if you just don't care
i cannot be alone
i cannot walk alone
i can not hold myself
these tears won't fade
i have nothing left to give to anyone
i won't lift up my head for ive failed somehow
why can't i smile
you used hold me tight
and say you missed me
and then you changed
those wide open spaces
and those greek girls
you just slipped away
i cannot be alone
i cannot walk alone
i can not hold myself
i just need to breath
alone
with no feeling
no life
no love
so bury me six feet under
where i feel no pain
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
its over
kevin and i are no longer together. and for some reason it makes me really sad. it was only for like a month and yet, i cried over him. only two other guys have made me cry as hard as he has. the other sad thing is that i don't want him to give me back my adpi t-shirt. i want him to keep it and to wear it. but it would mean nothing. i loved having him as my boyfriend. and i thought that i was a good girlfriend. but im just not good enough for him. im just not what he wanted. and since im a girl, i think. what did i do wrong? i hope i did nothing wrong. i miss him so much and he just doesn't care. i feel inadequate as a person. i feel lost and all i wanna do is drink. i wanna make the pain go away. i just wish he knew how much i really cared about him. about how much he meant to me.
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
my feelings TODAY
i guess only a few things really irk me. yes, irk is a word. but some things do. like when a person says they are gonna call and then don't. just don't say your gonna call, then i won't be annoyed when you don't. and yes, it is a bit of a letdown when it happens. but seeing as how i hope all my friends and people i associate with are adults, we learn to get over it. but it still pisses me off when it happens. so now that you know, just don't do it. seriously. i will get pissed.
another is this. acknowledge the one your with. it doesn't take much effort. just a simple call to say
"hello. hope your day is going well."
its so simple the retarded would get it. but obviously this is too much for some people.
and also, don't say that you miss someone and that you want to see them and make it seem like you want to see them and are willing to make the effort to see them. if your not gonna do it, or don't really want to make the effort, its like the phone call thing, just don't say that your gonna do it. its that simple again.
i think that im an easy going person in a relationship with someone. i let them do what they want, im only 19 i don't want to be super tied down, but i do like the feeling that im with this person and for this moment in my life this is the only person i want to be with. and i let people know this. (and yes, i am human. i will flirt with other people, its human nature. most people do it, those who are just dating and those who have been married for 30 years. so i find nothing wrong with it.) but even though i think of myself as a laid back person, i do have some certain rules. i should not joke about letting the other person in the relationship make out with whomever they want. i really don't want them to. it would hurt me more than id like to honestly admit to them. and i wouldn't admit it. i would hide the pain and just let it fester inside me. it all boils down to the fact that i don't want to be cheated on again. not for any reason at all.
i love being in a relationhip with someone. its one of the greates joys of my life. i like falling headfirst into it and letting myself fall in love if the option is there. i love the feeling of sleeping next to that person. to having them hold me. the feeling of security that is there. though there is no security in anything. but i just like to pretend for a little while. for just a moment. for just a second. i love the way a person smells when i like them and how they make me smile when im around them. the smile i get on my face when i think of our first kiss. the smile i get when i first held your hand. i remember all these small, but important things. though seeing as how im a girl, im probably the only one who thinks these things are special, or important. relationships are so powerful to me. they demand so much emotion, so much time. i enjoy the emotion, the time spent on making them work. there is so much joy that i have when i think to myself, im in this relationship with this person who makes me laugh and smile and makes me feel beautiful and sexy. i need that in my life. i hate not being with someone. i feel lost and unworthy of anything. though its so lame and i should feel so the opposite i don't. relationships make me feel whole, like i actually belong somewhere or someone. somebody wants me. ME! this dorky little girl who just barely gets by. who screws up more than does the right thing. somebody wants me. the child who weighs more than she should and is still trying to become smarter than she is now. somebody looks at me and says, wow, this is a woman and she is mine.
well, i guess i just like to dream a little to much......but, no matter. i will live my life like a hopeless romantic movie. i will have my movie kiss in the rain, and it will be amazing.
waltz with me-tonic
Waltz with me
My love
Tell me what
You're dreaming of
Hold me now
We can share our love
Waltz with me
My love
Paint your face
For me
Only here
Is where I want to be
Next to you
While I watch you sleep
Waltz with me
My love
Tell me something
Will we be broken down
Tell me something
Will we be broken down
Will we be broken down
( ( CHORUS ) )
Waltz with me My love
Waltz with me My love
Thursday, March 18, 2004
sick, again
all i have to say is, fuck uti's. i mean damn, could god have created a more painful disease. it definitly makes me not want to fuck around with anyone. life sucks. and alli wanna do is PEE!
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
A.F.I.
"Silver And Cold"
I... I came here by day, but I left here in darkness
And found you, found you on the way
And now, it is silver and silent, it is silver and cold
You, in somber resplendence, I hold
Your sins into me
Oh, my beautiful one
Your sins into me
As a rapturous voice escapes, I will tremble a prayer
And I'll beg for forgiveness
(Your sins into me) Your sins into...
(Your sins into me) Your sins into me
Oh, my beautiful one
Light, like the flutter of wings, feel your hollow voice rushing into me
As you're longing to sing
So I... I will paint you in silver, I will wrap you in cold
I will lift up your voice as I sink
Your sins into me
Oh, my beautiful one, now
Your sins into me
As a rapturous voice escapes, I will tremble a prayer
And I'll beg for forgiveness
(Your sins into me) Your sins into me
Cold in life's throws, I'll fall asleep for you
Cold in life's throws, I only ask you turn away
Cold in life's throws, I'll fall asleep for you
Cold in life's throws, I only ask you turn
As they seep... into me, oh, my beautiful one, now
Your sins into me
Oh, my beautiful one
Your sins into me
As a rapturous voice escapes, I will tremble a prayer
And I'll beg for forgiveness
(Your sins into me)
Your sins into me... oh
Your sins into me
Oh, my beautiful one, now
Your sins into me
As a rapturous voice escapes, I will tremble a prayer
And I'll beg for forgiveness
(Your sins into me) Your sins into...
(Your sins into me) Your sins into me
Oh, my beautiful one
what kind of girlfriend are you?
http://quizilla.com/users/vinacross/quizzes/What%20Kind%20of%20Girlfriend%20Are%20You%3F/
what kind of girlfriend am i
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're the kind of chick that can hang out with your boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't care about presents or about going to fancy placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy being around your boyfriend.
Thursday, March 11, 2004
jessie
so i never write about jessie ever. and for those of you who know her know that i would never ever want to speak her name ever again.
but theres this indie movie called THIRTEEN and though jessie and i were not thirteen when we were friends, if you can call it friends. i use that term loosely. and again, those of you who know jessie know what i mean. well, the movie is so much like our relationship minus the drugs and black people. but a lot of the things done in the movie are seriously close to our relationship and its just fucking creepy. and for some reaosn i decided that i needed to write about it. im just so weirded out right now from it. plus im sick, so that doesn't help any.
Monday, March 01, 2004
update
there will be an update soon. i just need to sit down and write it. so forgive me for the delay.
Meant To Live
by Switchfoot
Meant to Live
Fumbling his confidence
And wond’ring why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he’s meant for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly, fly
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Dreaming about Providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we’ve been livin with our eyes half open
Maybe we’re bent and broken, broken
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
We want more than this world’s got to offer
We want more than this world’s got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live
We were meant to live
